Time to put it all out there. I have always tried hard to be transparent about where I am at and what I am doing, and it is tough to find the balance between coming across as going on about my issues and being as real as I possibly can be. But I am really struggling at the moment with my health issues and it is time to make a whole new level of changes.
I thought that I had this whole thing kinda nailed… well, as nailed as one can get with a permanent, debilitating, painful, life sucking condition anyway. I am learning the hard way to stick to my routine, and I am working hard on eating well, getting “enough” sleep (it will be never be enough and nor will I ever catch up on the thousands of hours of lost sleep that I have lost in my life, but I’m doing the best I can), and I am learning to say no on a major scale. I am actually super proud of myself.
But I am also learning things like I need to let go of stuff. That was easy (ish) when I had to let go of unhealthy relationships, release myself from obligations that I was drowning under without knowing it, and when I learnt to stop putting my body through movement that only landed up in pain. It was less easy to let go of words like “should” and “ought” and to give myself permission to stop trying to carry a life load that healthy people carry and not feel guilty, ….but I think that I am getting there.
I thought that this last year was tough but rewarding and I am immensely proud of my emotional, spiritual and even physical energy growth that I have achieved the past year. But here I am again at a whole new layer…
I used to be an artist. I guess I still am, and being able to spend a few hours each week creating things is hugely therapeutic for me and I pray that at some level I will always be able to do that. One of my greatest fears has always been to lose my hands and/or my sight. I am not quite there yet, but I am realising anew that I am close, and that if I don’t start giving up more of my art then I am going to damage my hands even more quickly and I won’t be able to do any of it.
This is soul destroying stuff!
But if I want to continue to work with lovely soft clay and create small gentle things like paint and a few other gentle things that I can handle then I need to let go of the things that tax my hands and damage them. Sadly sewing is one of them. In good faith and with a strong business a few years ago I have built up a stock of amazing quilting fabrics from all over the world. It is worth a fortune and many of the fabrics are stunning. And of course they have never been used. I bought them because I was selling them in my classes and with my kits.
But as my health failed I lost my business (quite a few years ago) and this last month I have come to realise that I will never be going back to it. This is a hugely heart breaking decision for me, but as I no longer have the business I don’t have a business to sell. And businesses who want to buy my stock want to take advantage of my situation and give me peanuts to take it off my hands.
So now I am learning to ask for help and this week and next I will be working through the process of:
- Preparing for a working Bee where friends who have offered will spend some time physically sorting it all out for me. They will cut, sort, iron and fold, then all I have to do is colour match and put piles together that make great packages of fabric. Then they will package them for me to be sold.
- Working out pricing. This is going to be tough because I will never get back the money that I have spent, but I don’t want people taking advantage of my situation and paying me peanuts either. This will not be a profit making exercise but it will hopefully free up my stock and give me back some of what I have spent.
- Photographing them and getting them on the Facebook Page that my dear friend Julie and I had been running for our business for a few years but has now been stripped of all the classes and so on and it will now be a place for me to sell these things.
- Pray hard that this works and we sell things quickly! A handful of people have offered to buy a dozen or so packs from me that they are sure their own friends will buy, so those kind of “bulk” sales will take a huge amount of work off my plate.
- I still need to keep learning to be brave and ask for help. This is a big one for me but I simply cannot do it alone, so I’m asking now…
How can you help? I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, but if they are behind me then there are a few quick things that they can do:
- Simply by sharing and liking this post, this blog, the Facebook Page and so on, then that will be a HUGE help! I will keep you all updated on the project as we go 🙂
- Have some patience as this is going to take a lot out of me the next few weeks to get everything up and running, so please don’t just like and never come back…
- IF you can think of anyone who would love some fabric packs, yarn and bead packs, anything that we put up in the next couple of weeks (they can be a quilter, an artist, or simply creative, the packs will be around the $10 – $12 mark), then they will make great gifts, stocking fillers etc, so buy for them or send them our way (or both!). Maybe you would even like to take on bunch of packs and sell them for me to take a huge load off me…
- I am open to any and all ideas to help clear the stock and take a huge emotional and physical load of me… I will hopefully always make very small quantities of bits and pieces, but nor more sewing and none of the big stuff.